After this article my girlfriend is going to kill me for sure, I agree but at least the story has been told already, for I kind of like what happened to her at her friend’s wedding in Okene.
Shey you know it is almost every girl’s dream to witness a wedding ceremony, for she believed one day it’s going to be her turn, this is not what usually takes my girlfriend and her friends to weddings but to look at how wealthy people are, at the event.
Omayoza’s groom-to-be was one of those wealthy government official. “My best friend’s wedding would be the talk of town.” Omayoza’s chief bridesmaid bragged. All the big girls in my area heard that and ran to queue for her expensive anko. Rumors also had it that Kogi State chief of staffs will be at the event to grace the day. Also people like Ohere and Kabiru Onyene will be sending representatives if they can’t make it. The best caterers in town had been hired for the wedding, and the hotel booked for the wedding is Afims Hotels. She hurriedly used her last money to buy 3 yards of the anko, when she heard that.
When People Attend Weddings in Ebiraland, Either or all of these four things take them there.
- The people attending. E.g Omayoza’s Chief of Staffs and Ohere Representatives.
- The excitement of the photos they’ll take. This depends on how beautiful the venue is.
- Relationship with the couple.
- THE WEDDING FOOD.
It’s easy to tell no1 and no4 were taking my girlfriend to Omayoza’s. The first disappointment was the venue as Afims Hotels turn out to be Eyindudu primary school field in Inoziomi, another problem was the venue for the matrimonial service and reception were one and the same place. It was difficult to reckon when the government officials will be at the event briefly for photos before the reception starts and when refreshments would begin.
It was almost 4pm and the matrimonial ceremony was still going on. There was nothing spectacular at the wedding as those in Omayoza circle made them believe. Even some of the so-called government officials looked more like fillings stations attendants. The Sheikh had diverted from the usual wedding story to preach on fornication. She cringed in her seat as she glanced at her wristwatch and the programme booklet for the umpteenth time. Her friend whispered that it’s because Omayoza was four months pregnant outside wedlock. Her impatience state had her lamenting.
Her sigh was audible when the reception finally began. They couldn’t leave their seat to take photos with the couple for fear that they might lose their seats.
Due to the poor timing, they had to rush most of the items listed in the programme. They were told to form a queue beside each canopy for the buffet. It seemed like they were not the only ones waiting for food as the whole place was thrown into a pandemonium. Nigerians sure don’t know how to queue up for a buffet. They jump in line, push whoever is in the way and makes sure those serving attend to them before anyone else. She felt like stabbing the restless guy in front of her with the heel of her shoe or strangling him with the piece of anko on her shoulder.
Her friends and she were among the first 20 in their queue but her joy was cut short when the MC instructed them all to head back to their seats. The ushers were going to serve them there. The new directive messed everything up. Some people had already gotten food, some got food twice while some didn’t and it was difficult to tell where they sat. The ushers were not helping matters by serving in a scalar manner. One of her friends got first. Fifteen minutes after, the second one got hers. Thirty minutes after, nothing for her yet.
Both of them were now giving each other that ‘eeyah… I pity Hawa sha’ look. Occasionally they would glance at her hyperventilating and give her that ‘inya, vainete, Isori Aave’ (Sister relax food is coming soon) look “Should I remain my food for you?” One of her friend asked. “NO!” She voiced out in anger.
She didn’t know who to pour her frustration on. From the back row she sat, she tried to eye the Iyawo with disgust but she wouldn’t even look at her. She thought of taking off the small piece of anko from her neck to wave at her. After paying for your anko, no food abi? Yahoo Yahoo wedding! One of her ‘bellyfull’ friends had the guts to suggest they head outside to wait for the government officials groomsmen. How can she listen to any man on an empty stomach? She abused her with all the curses and swear words she learnt since 1179.
As the migration officer of their 3- female clique, both of them had absolutely no right to go out without her. At that point only the Ohigi jollof rice mattered. Reality set in when people started leaving. Typically of Nigerian ceremonies, once they eat, they dump your ass there and leave! Even the couple finished their ‘feeding of the couple stuff’ and they no longer gave a hoot about their hungry guests…including my girlfriend.
You’ve got to me strong girllllll… You’ve seen worse. Don’t dare cry. She consoled herself. She was too preoccupied with hunger to notice her friend had gone over to the catering section to complain on her behalf.
Whatever she told them worked as one of them was seen heading towards her direction with a tray.
“Errrmmm…sorry oh, asukwayi. You should have struggled for food na. There’s rice here but the chicken and meat we have left has been packed away by the Iyawo’s relatives. Would you mind the rice only?” The usher said.
Emiiii? Eat leftover rice? I may be a beggar but I am a beggar with anko and a damn good choice. She said.
“Let’s leave please.” she motioned to her friends tearfully. I could sense an impending ulcer attack ready to strike her dead, where I was sitting busy watching movie at home. Because she refused to eat before leaving for the Ohigi
Her friends began consoling her.
“Don’t worry, we would try to sit at the front when next we attend a wedding.”
“There won’t be any next time!” She retorted angrily.
Maybe they’ve been, but that was the last time she wasted money on ANKO that couldn’t guarantee her trivial benefits like the Ohigi Jollof Rice.
I make fun of her every day with this, I like the business strategy Omayoza pulled though, and she really made hell lots of money. I just hope she didn’t break my head after reading this article
Thanks for reading, this is the end of the sad story of my girlfriend anko and Ohigi Jollof Rice my fellow Amebos. Bye! Don’t forget to drop your comments below and share.
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